I don't have much in the way of Deep Thoughts(tm) about the ending year and what I should take away from it. Folks who post much better, more insightful things... well, I don't have that gift of words or depth of thought even on the best of days. (I write fantasy for fun... I'm not given toward reflections upon the reality around me.)
- I know that I need to invest
less of my personal self into my work life (emotionally, as well as socially) and branch out MUCH more elsewhere. (Tea, classes at OCC, personal craft projects, reading for pleasure, etc. Hell, one of these days I may open up my thesis and take a stab at polishing it up a bit. It's horrendously choppy in places, and I
still feel guilty about the poor quality, even three years later.) The living hell that was June and July, and the ill-planned trip to Vegas is a testament to this. I now have about three or four people I count as actual friends at work, and the rest will remain pleasant acquaintances. Because I can't get along with everyone, all the time. It's
unpossible (and as elitist as it may sound, when a large portion of my coworkers stopped at highschool graduation, jokes about the Black Death and other somewhat esoteric topics outside of a Victoria's Secret sale catalogue tend to get me funny looks and a wide berth. It's just how it is around here. I get that. I can wish they'd know what I meant when I make a 'roll for damage' remark at deadlines whooshing by, but... meh).
- I know that I
suck at keeping in touch with
people, and the Terry Pratchett book still sitting on the hall cabinet that needs to be returned to someone who moved away is a (flashy red, dryly humorous) testament to this. Seriously, y'all, consider me a comment whore and drop a note or something, because I'm lousy at reaching out to other people. (Please? I'm in a pay-attention-to-mee!!! mood today, too. Erk.)
- I know that I need to make a budget and STICK WITH IT, because the mountain of unnecessary debt I'm taking into the New Year? I
really don't want to do that again next December 31. I want nice, fat ZEROS where I currently have outstanding loan balances. Seriously. (My penchant to spend when upset? That's probably the biggest culprit. I spend ahead of the overtime I earn, and then have to work overtime to cover it... and stress myself into little vicious cycles of trying to keep my sanity at the end of a twelve-hour day.)
- I know that I need to go to the gym more than once every other week, because right now, I'm just wasting my member dues. (See the above, about outstanding balances on things... like my Visa card.) Furthermore, sitting in a chair all day is NOT good for my muscles/posture/etc, and one of the folks at the gym said as much when I went in for one of those freebie fitness profiles. So I need to work at this for my own health in the long-term (did you know your hips can atrophy even if you get up and walk to the printer regularly? It was news to me, too).
- I know that I need to eat healthier at breakfast and lunch (stale cookies and leftover coffee is NOT morning fuel, and junk food supplements to an already not-so-healthy, purchased-downstairs-from-the-cafe sandwich is not exactly getting me closer to my goal of 10 pounds or 5 inches gone by May*).
- I know that I should probably get a haircut sooner or later - I'm morphing into a rather shaggy hippie look, since I have layers that are almost-but-not-quite grown out, now, and I really need some shaping or layering or SOMETHING to look less like a half-drowned dog.
- I know that I need to work on my work ethic (the irony of posting from work is not lost on me, here... but it's SO SLOW on holiday weeks when most of the office is taking time off. *whine*) - spend a little more time working overtime, do a little better about being more helpful to more people within my unit, etc. Maybe take two ten-minute breaks instead of two fifteen-minute ones.
- I know I need to TRY and get up in the mornings, on time - I'll feel less rushed, and less stressed, and no more or less awake than when I oversleep (three days a week - I have MASTERED the 5-minute-morning-routine).
- I know I need to eat out less, at lunch - the grocery store is open until midnight. It can't be THAT hard to pick up frozen lunches for cheap, rather than the overpriced (and not very good) sandwiches from the lobby cafe. (See above about outstanding balances. I'm sensing a spend less trend here. You?)
- I want to focus more on Tea - I've now reached the level where things are no longer written down, and I have to take my own notes after lessons if I want to look up anything later. (It may not sound like much, until you look at the 28-book series of 'beginner' lessons available at the bookstore by Mitsuwa. Each book is $20 or so, too... So it's a pretty steep investment in time and lesson money that I've put out to get this far. I need to remember that more often, instead of feeling rather like a Great Dane puppy in the tearoom - happy but clueless, and much too large for the space, not to mention occsasionally destructive.) This will contradict the 'spend less' part of things, but at the same time, will be more enriching than another hair accessory or obi I won't wear off eBay. So.
- I want to learn more that will get me ahead - Accounting 101 starting in February, but after that... what? Business management? I've got 5 or 10 years before that happens where I am now, because there are only 5 or 6 managers in an office of 120 people (yay flat management techniques - no middle management bullshit to deal with.) I wish I had the time for two classes a semester, but I tried that and wore myself down to the bone trying to keep up with it all. So it's one class, and time for sewing-for-fun projects**, among other things.
- And after all this, I need to remember to take
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
attack_laurel 's advice and stop ruminating on all my failings, instead focusing on the positive and changing what I can, rather than what I can't (or feel I can't in that sort of impossible black hole kind of way... like being anything other than a
textbook Scorpio.)
I will always be moody and cranky and short-tempered, but I will also be stupidly optimistic and generous towards people, even in the midst of a cranky fit. I may hiss and growl if you come into my personal space, but that doesn't mean I won't help you out with what you need. Just not in my space. :P * I think this is a perfectly reasonable goal, since I'm not exactly a proactive, energy-efficient exercise guru (and anything smaller would be impossible to maintain without a
massive lifestyle change), and I will
never look good in yoga pants. And if I'm not spending to feel better, I'm reaching for greasy junk food. Oy. Lean muscle or just leaner - I'll take what I can get.
** I am stupid-proud of macguyvering (it's a word, shut up) a practice vest out of the top half of a kimono and using the bottom remainders to make a matching obi that velcros closed. :D [
Note to self: Must buy interfacing...] (And it only cost me $10 in materials, including the velcro AND vintage kimono in crap condition!)
