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Sep. 3rd, 2004 07:20 pmGawd, my nose hurts. I don't think there are soft enough tissue in the world to fix that. At least the headache's going down -- I found that I can stay calm for long periods of time provided a few things. 1. I'm focused on something -- today it was planning the cremation, burial/interrment, and memorial. 2. I'm not alone, and someone else is doing the talking. This part's hard, because being the introvert I am, the someone talking has to be either a total stranger or a very, very close friend. (Thank you Tiffany, you've kept me sane all day!) There isn't an inbetween here. I don't know why.
We've got 8 messages on our answering machine. I can't stand to be down there -- it was beeping in the background when Mom called me Thursday night (was it really only yesterday?) and it sounds like a creepy life support thing that I remember all too well from childhood, and now this.
I also don't want to hear the messages -- they'll set me off again.
I suspect I'm going to be drugging myself heavily for the next few days and nights, just to get through things. I know I need to sleep and eat, and those are the two biggest challenges I face right now, I think.
[And on a cheerfully morbid side note, I need to go to funeral homes more often -- they serve coffee in REALLY nice china sets. ]
So right now, the memorial is either Friday afternoon or, if travel plans for most of our relatives don't work out, Sunday afternoon. I need to find a large amount of recent photos, and get an 8x10 at Kinko's of the most flattering and recent for the flower arrangement at the memorial service.
I don't know how Mom and I are going to cope right now, honestly -- we don't realize readily just HOW much Dad did around here, from keeping track of bills to getting prescription refills (I don't even know how to, right now! We have funky insurance.) to running errands and doing chores. He'd picked up Mom's glasses and taken out the trash yesterday before he died. Which reminds me, I need to check the mail.
Please note that I'm really not replying to many emails or comments right now, but I am reading them and I appreciate them deeply. It's just hard to be anything but a sniveling heap of nothing for the time being.
We've got 8 messages on our answering machine. I can't stand to be down there -- it was beeping in the background when Mom called me Thursday night (was it really only yesterday?) and it sounds like a creepy life support thing that I remember all too well from childhood, and now this.
I also don't want to hear the messages -- they'll set me off again.
I suspect I'm going to be drugging myself heavily for the next few days and nights, just to get through things. I know I need to sleep and eat, and those are the two biggest challenges I face right now, I think.
[And on a cheerfully morbid side note, I need to go to funeral homes more often -- they serve coffee in REALLY nice china sets. ]
So right now, the memorial is either Friday afternoon or, if travel plans for most of our relatives don't work out, Sunday afternoon. I need to find a large amount of recent photos, and get an 8x10 at Kinko's of the most flattering and recent for the flower arrangement at the memorial service.
I don't know how Mom and I are going to cope right now, honestly -- we don't realize readily just HOW much Dad did around here, from keeping track of bills to getting prescription refills (I don't even know how to, right now! We have funky insurance.) to running errands and doing chores. He'd picked up Mom's glasses and taken out the trash yesterday before he died. Which reminds me, I need to check the mail.
Please note that I'm really not replying to many emails or comments right now, but I am reading them and I appreciate them deeply. It's just hard to be anything but a sniveling heap of nothing for the time being.
