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Sep. 4th, 2004 10:48 amBeen keeping busy, in a twitchy-housekeeping sort of way. Y'know, wander aimlessly about until I find something to occupy my hands with -- making the bed, doing the dishes, straightening the living room, etc.
I don't really know how I feel right now -- the sadness comes in waves, and then it stays like a grey cloud without doing much. I can talk to the dogs without bursting into tears today, at least. Probably helps they just watch me with their usual bored-but-interested-in-case-of-food expressions. Something normal to work with, anyway. I haven't been too teary today -- I'm probably going to swing by Oxy later to pick up things I forgot, clean the mess in my room before it molds, etc. Nothing big, but Oxy seems to be my 'safe' zone right now -- there's no bathroom door to walk past while doing chores, and no scenery to remind me of the bloody mess that was Thursday night.
I don't think it's sunk in that Dad's gone-gone. I think my brain's still trying to tell me that he's just away, at the hospital, and not doing too well, but he'll be back later. It's going to take a long while before I can wake up in the morning without wondering why he hasn't come in to scold me for sleeping late, or called to see if I need a prescription refill, etc. At least going through his things hasn't set me all sniffly -- I can focus on details and mentally put myself somewhere in the office; filing, phone calls, cool professionalism. Whatever works. I don't want the migraine to come back.
I need to check my email, but Yahoo's being a bitch and a half today. I should also email my Tu/Th professors, since they don't know, and request leniency and/or extensions for things due on Tuesday -- I'm going to leave home at probably 10:30 Tuesday morning for my 1:30 class -- that gives me time to get sorted in my room, figure out what I need for supplies, and get to class on time even if there's traffic. I'm probably going to set my cell to 'silent' mode, too, and keep it on me for a while. Just in case Mom needs to call for whatever reason.
... I lied. It hurts now. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. I need to go find more chores to do, A-sap.
I don't really know how I feel right now -- the sadness comes in waves, and then it stays like a grey cloud without doing much. I can talk to the dogs without bursting into tears today, at least. Probably helps they just watch me with their usual bored-but-interested-in-case-of-food expressions. Something normal to work with, anyway. I haven't been too teary today -- I'm probably going to swing by Oxy later to pick up things I forgot, clean the mess in my room before it molds, etc. Nothing big, but Oxy seems to be my 'safe' zone right now -- there's no bathroom door to walk past while doing chores, and no scenery to remind me of the bloody mess that was Thursday night.
I don't think it's sunk in that Dad's gone-gone. I think my brain's still trying to tell me that he's just away, at the hospital, and not doing too well, but he'll be back later. It's going to take a long while before I can wake up in the morning without wondering why he hasn't come in to scold me for sleeping late, or called to see if I need a prescription refill, etc. At least going through his things hasn't set me all sniffly -- I can focus on details and mentally put myself somewhere in the office; filing, phone calls, cool professionalism. Whatever works. I don't want the migraine to come back.
I need to check my email, but Yahoo's being a bitch and a half today. I should also email my Tu/Th professors, since they don't know, and request leniency and/or extensions for things due on Tuesday -- I'm going to leave home at probably 10:30 Tuesday morning for my 1:30 class -- that gives me time to get sorted in my room, figure out what I need for supplies, and get to class on time even if there's traffic. I'm probably going to set my cell to 'silent' mode, too, and keep it on me for a while. Just in case Mom needs to call for whatever reason.
... I lied. It hurts now. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. I need to go find more chores to do, A-sap.
