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I really need to write on this thing
Feb. 25th, 2013 11:15 amI'm spending more time at the gym. Not buff yet (I like food too much for muscles to show up), but I can deadlift 115, bench 65, and squat 95 on a good day (bad knees = not many good days). So that's nice. Aiming for three-digit numbers in all of the above, and the ability to do ONE un-assisted pullup before I die. So.
Remember date-not-date guy? We're still hanging out, he's still sweet as pie, and he likes my cooking. He's getting more attractive by the day. It helps that the panic attacks have faded away to a dull discomfort. So that's nice. I might even find the stones to try dating him again, since he's proven time and time again that he's a Really Solid Guy. (Not to mention an incredibly supportive gym buddy twice a week - I won't be gaining 30+ pounds due to drinking and eating to excess as a means of Doing Something Together.)
Everything else... work is still a way to pay most of my bills but the wages are rather shite (for the industry - I realize I make halfway decent money, but it's STILL not enough to live on my own despite being professionally licensed and earning some measure of seniority; compared to what others in the same positions make at other brokerages, we're a good 10K less a year, or more. It's irritating, especially when the company makes other large financial decisions that are clearly Not Smart, and then whines about the bottom line being so tight.)
I'm still hovering at the upper half of the 155s on the scale (and have for the better part of a year, now), but I'm slowly changing composition, so it's a leaner look than before. Frustrating, to see a number that doesn't signify progress, but the tape measure says otherwise. And I need to realize that at my goal body composition, I will probably weigh MORE. I quit Weight Watchers - their system punishes me for the amount of protein I need in a day to build muscle mass, and rewards bad/overprocessed food choices (yes, it's fat free and sugar free, but I can't pronounce half of the ingredients and I'm hungry half an hour later.... so I go over my Points budget constantly trying to stay satisfied. Better to have full fat, high protein, and reduce the processed carbs as much as I can in the middle of Girl Scout Cookie season. Also, BACON.) Using My Fitness Pal instead - more customizable goals. So yay for that.
Most of my social networking has slipped from Facebook to Fitocracy. I tend to get unrealistic expectations of how I'll look in the mirror, surrounded by So Many Beautiful People, but it's also a site that's incredibly supportive of everyone, no matter what stage of their fitness they're in. (Added bonus: the number of fit men who post shirtless pics. Eye candy, all day, every day.) And I really have turned into a gym rat. I ADORE lifting weights. Still hate cardio, but... Love weightlifting. Love the next-day ache that tells me I did well. Also like kickboxing, since I can get all my violent urges out on the bag and still improve coordination and conditioning. Win? :)
I still stalk everyone on my feed here, though. I just haven't commented as much. . .
Anyway. That's the state of my life right now.
Remember date-not-date guy? We're still hanging out, he's still sweet as pie, and he likes my cooking. He's getting more attractive by the day. It helps that the panic attacks have faded away to a dull discomfort. So that's nice. I might even find the stones to try dating him again, since he's proven time and time again that he's a Really Solid Guy. (Not to mention an incredibly supportive gym buddy twice a week - I won't be gaining 30+ pounds due to drinking and eating to excess as a means of Doing Something Together.)
Everything else... work is still a way to pay most of my bills but the wages are rather shite (for the industry - I realize I make halfway decent money, but it's STILL not enough to live on my own despite being professionally licensed and earning some measure of seniority; compared to what others in the same positions make at other brokerages, we're a good 10K less a year, or more. It's irritating, especially when the company makes other large financial decisions that are clearly Not Smart, and then whines about the bottom line being so tight.)
I'm still hovering at the upper half of the 155s on the scale (and have for the better part of a year, now), but I'm slowly changing composition, so it's a leaner look than before. Frustrating, to see a number that doesn't signify progress, but the tape measure says otherwise. And I need to realize that at my goal body composition, I will probably weigh MORE. I quit Weight Watchers - their system punishes me for the amount of protein I need in a day to build muscle mass, and rewards bad/overprocessed food choices (yes, it's fat free and sugar free, but I can't pronounce half of the ingredients and I'm hungry half an hour later.... so I go over my Points budget constantly trying to stay satisfied. Better to have full fat, high protein, and reduce the processed carbs as much as I can in the middle of Girl Scout Cookie season. Also, BACON.) Using My Fitness Pal instead - more customizable goals. So yay for that.
Most of my social networking has slipped from Facebook to Fitocracy. I tend to get unrealistic expectations of how I'll look in the mirror, surrounded by So Many Beautiful People, but it's also a site that's incredibly supportive of everyone, no matter what stage of their fitness they're in. (Added bonus: the number of fit men who post shirtless pics. Eye candy, all day, every day.) And I really have turned into a gym rat. I ADORE lifting weights. Still hate cardio, but... Love weightlifting. Love the next-day ache that tells me I did well. Also like kickboxing, since I can get all my violent urges out on the bag and still improve coordination and conditioning. Win? :)
I still stalk everyone on my feed here, though. I just haven't commented as much. . .
Anyway. That's the state of my life right now.
Tsukimi hell
Oct. 1st, 2012 11:39 amSo. Saturday went about as awful as I expected it to, and then some. (93 degrees and we had to stand outside in kimono. It's like a really fancy sauna suit, at that point.) I shouldn't be as torn up as I am over it, but I guess I was holding onto hope, somewhere deep down, that this time would prove me wrong, that it wouldn't suck. Nope. I paid $45 to be on my feet from 1:30-midnight, get barely 30 minutes for a sub-par boxed meal (that had been sitting for hours), and not once did I get to actually sit and have Tea -- the whole goddamn point of a Tea gathering. Instead, all the other ladies who were working decided that our station should be the last one of the night. Fine, but do you think one of them might have maybe asked if those of us working would like to sit and be waited on afterward? It's not hard to offer 5 minutes of simple courtesy. It really isn't. (Especially when the other group of ladies sharing the tent space left US a pile of dirty bowls to clean and took half of ours, rather than wash their own. I mean really, WTF?) It took 4 Advil to even take the edge off my back pain to get to sleep, and I woke up with a splitting headache along with the back ache. Plans to get to kickboxing/the gym were nixed after that.
(And after digging out the kimono items I was supposed to loan, I get to Sensei's house and I'm told they "figured out how to make it work" and didn't need what I'd brought. So really, that just tells me that the next time I'm asked to do something, she may or may not mean it.)
I have decided that I am never participating in a chapter event again, unless it is as a guest. I'm angry to the point of tears over this; part of me feels betrayed by Sensei because she wouldn't look out for her own students (that last seating? She was supposed to go ask that we actually get to stop and have tea, and didn't), part of me feels like the whole local chapter doesn't even grasp the fact that Tea has four basic principles (purity, harmony, respect, tranquility) and just MAYBE those could be applied to events, too. About the only people I'm not pissed at from Saturday are Sensei's husband (he knows his way around the mizuya and worked his butt off) and the head of the chapter (who was super sweet and made sure to get those of us suffering outside a cooler full of cold water bottles, etc). So. From now on, it's lessons only and events-as-guest. Period. I'm done wasting my time, money, and energy on this mess.
(And after digging out the kimono items I was supposed to loan, I get to Sensei's house and I'm told they "figured out how to make it work" and didn't need what I'd brought. So really, that just tells me that the next time I'm asked to do something, she may or may not mean it.)
I have decided that I am never participating in a chapter event again, unless it is as a guest. I'm angry to the point of tears over this; part of me feels betrayed by Sensei because she wouldn't look out for her own students (that last seating? She was supposed to go ask that we actually get to stop and have tea, and didn't), part of me feels like the whole local chapter doesn't even grasp the fact that Tea has four basic principles (purity, harmony, respect, tranquility) and just MAYBE those could be applied to events, too. About the only people I'm not pissed at from Saturday are Sensei's husband (he knows his way around the mizuya and worked his butt off) and the head of the chapter (who was super sweet and made sure to get those of us suffering outside a cooler full of cold water bottles, etc). So. From now on, it's lessons only and events-as-guest. Period. I'm done wasting my time, money, and energy on this mess.
I am getting SO sick of being the "responsible one" for Tea, lately.
I have offered REPEATEDLY to help fellow students get what they need, learn how to wear it, etc., only to get an "I'm good, thanks" or no response at all. I have given them information, shopping lists, etc. You name it, the resource has been made available to them.
And now, my kimono drawer has suddenly been volunteered to be the lending library for everyone else because they never got their act in gear.
How the fuck are these people responsible adults in the other parts of their lives?
I have offered REPEATEDLY to help fellow students get what they need, learn how to wear it, etc., only to get an "I'm good, thanks" or no response at all. I have given them information, shopping lists, etc. You name it, the resource has been made available to them.
And now, my kimono drawer has suddenly been volunteered to be the lending library for everyone else because they never got their act in gear.
How the fuck are these people responsible adults in the other parts of their lives?
Hey, folks?
Sep. 5th, 2012 04:17 pmIf you have something set to find your location, it's giving your exact address.
If you're posting from someplace other than a public venue such as Starbucks, this is probably not a good thing.
Just figured I'd share. I didn't notice this the last time I scrolled through my friends' feed.
If you're posting from someplace other than a public venue such as Starbucks, this is probably not a good thing.
Just figured I'd share. I didn't notice this the last time I scrolled through my friends' feed.
SIGNAL BOOST
Jul. 5th, 2012 04:57 pmNeed a temporary home in the NY area for a kitty -- if you know someone, pass the word along.
http://naamah-darling.livejournal.com/581539.html <-- info and pics here, with relevant links.
http://naamah-darling.livejournal.com/581539.html <-- info and pics here, with relevant links.
The "Asian" diet
Jun. 13th, 2012 09:36 amSo, I was trolling reading through the blogs on WeightWatcher's site, and one gal posted what she called the "Asian" diet -- basically, all her skinny friends (she and they are of Asian heritage) would take the time to take pictures and post them to their FB or blog or whatever before they ate. And then the WORLD knew what they were eating. Her idea was to start a food log that lists every single thing she's eaten, the Points value, etc. so that she has to be accountable to everyone.
Given that she can do it with an app on her iPhone (and I have a shiny new iPod touch), I'm really liking this idea. A lot, actually. [I would find an app to update LJ, but I think we all know how much I type at once. A teensy touchpad versus my big sausage fingers would make me homicidal before the second paragraph. Twitter updates are hard enough, thankyouverymuch.]
So I'm going to try and do it, too -- the last 5-10 pounds just will NOT come off consistently. I keep yo-yo-ing from 5 pounds above goal to 1 pound above goal, no matter how much I go to the gym, and I just suck at starving myself with reduced calories. I need volume. (Case in point, I had the better part of a pound of oven-roasted Brussels sprouts last night as the appetizer to splitting a thin-crust pizza with mom. Pizza wasn't terrible - one of those swank organic things from the freezer aisle, but it's still pizza with cheese and pepperoni, etc.)
So -- feel free to hit this site up and help encourage me! (And it's still kinda empty - I haven't quite figured out the setup/layout, but the tools on Weebly.com are easy enough to use.) It also needs a better name than what I've put in the title bar, but whatever.
http://zuihitsu.weebly.com/
Given that she can do it with an app on her iPhone (and I have a shiny new iPod touch), I'm really liking this idea. A lot, actually. [I would find an app to update LJ, but I think we all know how much I type at once. A teensy touchpad versus my big sausage fingers would make me homicidal before the second paragraph. Twitter updates are hard enough, thankyouverymuch.]
So I'm going to try and do it, too -- the last 5-10 pounds just will NOT come off consistently. I keep yo-yo-ing from 5 pounds above goal to 1 pound above goal, no matter how much I go to the gym, and I just suck at starving myself with reduced calories. I need volume. (Case in point, I had the better part of a pound of oven-roasted Brussels sprouts last night as the appetizer to splitting a thin-crust pizza with mom. Pizza wasn't terrible - one of those swank organic things from the freezer aisle, but it's still pizza with cheese and pepperoni, etc.)
So -- feel free to hit this site up and help encourage me! (And it's still kinda empty - I haven't quite figured out the setup/layout, but the tools on Weebly.com are easy enough to use.) It also needs a better name than what I've put in the title bar, but whatever.
http://zuihitsu.weebly.com/
Signal Boost
May. 31st, 2012 10:39 amSignal boosting this - a friend of Naamah's is going through a hard time, and could use all the help she can get right now. If you have a few bucks to spare, please consider sending it her way.
http://naamah-darling.livejournal.com/575525.html
http://naamah-darling.livejournal.com/575525.html
Time to break out the LJ again...
Apr. 6th, 2012 10:50 pmParanoia.
Hate it.
The 'annual review' emails have started flying - and this time, it's a whole unit at a time. Which means that when I was getting my coworkers' feedback requests from management, they were getting mine. (These reviews are 'annual' and happen about every 18-24 months. Basically, Management sends out via BCC a list of requested areas of feedback for a person and assumes that the responses they will receive are actually thoughtful and come from a neutral or carefully-considered position. It's a total farce, but expecting managers to take the time to get to know the people they manage is even more laughable. Lose-lose setup, for the rest of us on the ass-end of the totem pole.)
And while my team lead (we now get along, so there's that) has plenty of nice things to say to my face, I don't know how she's going to fill in the form. And I don't know how my other teammate is going to fill it in - he likes to throw his (nonexistant) weight around and considers me "moody" because he has no grasp on personal space and thus pisses me off every time he hovers over me in my own goddamned cube. He likes to talk a big game, but it's all hot air, and we're all sick of it. So I don't know if he's going to 'talk a big game' and include some sort of perceived "constructive" criticism that will torpedo the whole goddamned thing, yanno? It makes me want to retaliate pre-emptively on his form, but then, that's not going to do anyone any favors, either.
And I am trying so fucking hard to get out of that entire unit that even the tiniest speedbumpis going to hurt. A lot.
So. Paranoid.
Monday, I think I'm going to go through all of my emails and PDF up the positive feedback and my long-neglected kudos file. Because it never hurts to bolster your own case, right? (I really miss working in a group that actively, positively reinforced people. Where I am now, the word 'thank you' is something fired off as a perfunctory necessity, not any sort of actual heart-felt reaction. I miss being honestly appreciated when I go out of my way for someone/something.)
Christ, I need a prescription for Xanax. I'm seriously considering trying (again) to utilize the 'Employee Assistance' program through our bennies to find a shrink with a scrip pad. Seriously. Deep breathing and meditation and incense and green tea is doing FUCKALL right now to stave off panic attacks.
[How the fuck can I feel like my life is falling apart when anyone else would consider it going well? I have someone expressing a passing interest in me, I'm gainfully (hah) employed, I have my physical health... And I'm a complete and utter basket case these days.]
I think I just may use some PTO in the near future and take a personal sabbatical for a few days. I've got 60-ish hours to work with - I could take three days and just do utterly NOTHING. I'd have to schedule it with mom, too, or she'll get after me to do something 'because I'm home', etc. and I don't want the interruptions or personal space invasions. I don't know what else to do.
Hate it.
The 'annual review' emails have started flying - and this time, it's a whole unit at a time. Which means that when I was getting my coworkers' feedback requests from management, they were getting mine. (These reviews are 'annual' and happen about every 18-24 months. Basically, Management sends out via BCC a list of requested areas of feedback for a person and assumes that the responses they will receive are actually thoughtful and come from a neutral or carefully-considered position. It's a total farce, but expecting managers to take the time to get to know the people they manage is even more laughable. Lose-lose setup, for the rest of us on the ass-end of the totem pole.)
And while my team lead (we now get along, so there's that) has plenty of nice things to say to my face, I don't know how she's going to fill in the form. And I don't know how my other teammate is going to fill it in - he likes to throw his (nonexistant) weight around and considers me "moody" because he has no grasp on personal space and thus pisses me off every time he hovers over me in my own goddamned cube. He likes to talk a big game, but it's all hot air, and we're all sick of it. So I don't know if he's going to 'talk a big game' and include some sort of perceived "constructive" criticism that will torpedo the whole goddamned thing, yanno? It makes me want to retaliate pre-emptively on his form, but then, that's not going to do anyone any favors, either.
And I am trying so fucking hard to get out of that entire unit that even the tiniest speedbumpis going to hurt. A lot.
So. Paranoid.
Monday, I think I'm going to go through all of my emails and PDF up the positive feedback and my long-neglected kudos file. Because it never hurts to bolster your own case, right? (I really miss working in a group that actively, positively reinforced people. Where I am now, the word 'thank you' is something fired off as a perfunctory necessity, not any sort of actual heart-felt reaction. I miss being honestly appreciated when I go out of my way for someone/something.)
Christ, I need a prescription for Xanax. I'm seriously considering trying (again) to utilize the 'Employee Assistance' program through our bennies to find a shrink with a scrip pad. Seriously. Deep breathing and meditation and incense and green tea is doing FUCKALL right now to stave off panic attacks.
[How the fuck can I feel like my life is falling apart when anyone else would consider it going well? I have someone expressing a passing interest in me, I'm gainfully (hah) employed, I have my physical health... And I'm a complete and utter basket case these days.]
I think I just may use some PTO in the near future and take a personal sabbatical for a few days. I've got 60-ish hours to work with - I could take three days and just do utterly NOTHING. I'd have to schedule it with mom, too, or she'll get after me to do something 'because I'm home', etc. and I don't want the interruptions or personal space invasions. I don't know what else to do.
Oh, right. LJ.
Feb. 12th, 2012 01:33 amI haz one!
I've been updating my fic journal lately because I started a creative writing class this semester. The teacher has been superbly vague about format, etc, so I think I'll use it and/or Google Docs to do some of the freewrite assignments. At least that way, they won't get lost on a thumb drive somewhere. If you ever get bored and want to constructively critique stuff, I'll probably post here to ask for beta readers on something. So. ^_^
Finally got around to watching a few eps of Painkiller Jane. And at this point, I've decided I'm really only watching it for Noah Danby's presence on-screen. And maybe Alaina Huffman. Pretty, pretty people.
Other than that... I've been in a crappy headspace lately and have found that trying to be a hopeless shut-in has done more for me than trying to get out and be social. (I've also repeatedly forgotten what week it is, which has not helped me much when it comes down to planning anything effectively.) Hopefully, some things on my list for the next two weeks will be good things. Hopefully.
I've been updating my fic journal lately because I started a creative writing class this semester. The teacher has been superbly vague about format, etc, so I think I'll use it and/or Google Docs to do some of the freewrite assignments. At least that way, they won't get lost on a thumb drive somewhere. If you ever get bored and want to constructively critique stuff, I'll probably post here to ask for beta readers on something. So. ^_^
Finally got around to watching a few eps of Painkiller Jane. And at this point, I've decided I'm really only watching it for Noah Danby's presence on-screen. And maybe Alaina Huffman. Pretty, pretty people.
Other than that... I've been in a crappy headspace lately and have found that trying to be a hopeless shut-in has done more for me than trying to get out and be social. (I've also repeatedly forgotten what week it is, which has not helped me much when it comes down to planning anything effectively.) Hopefully, some things on my list for the next two weeks will be good things. Hopefully.
Seven years as of today. :/
And just like seven years ago, it's the Friday before Labor Day again. Longest damn weekend of my life.
Ironically, this was the first year I'd actually NOT thought about it until Mom brought it up earlier this evening - I don't know if I should be mad that I forgot or glad the grieving process has changed. On the other hand, I spent most of my free time today working on a writing piece set in the cemetery where his ashes are interred, which I started when we visited on his birthday in June. So it's an odd little mix in my head, lately.
Not really sure what else to even say about it, you know? I'm all over the map right now.
(ETA: Oddly appropo.)
And just like seven years ago, it's the Friday before Labor Day again. Longest damn weekend of my life.
Ironically, this was the first year I'd actually NOT thought about it until Mom brought it up earlier this evening - I don't know if I should be mad that I forgot or glad the grieving process has changed. On the other hand, I spent most of my free time today working on a writing piece set in the cemetery where his ashes are interred, which I started when we visited on his birthday in June. So it's an odd little mix in my head, lately.
Not really sure what else to even say about it, you know? I'm all over the map right now.
(ETA: Oddly appropo.)
Technology
Aug. 25th, 2011 10:47 pmI love technology. I do. I think it's spiffy and awesome and does neat tricks if you poke at it right.
I hate how much technology COSTS.
But I need something more than my basic flip-fone-no-texting option before the end of September. Which means... *drumroll*
Travel-sized computer.
I've been shopping netbooks for a week now and nothing is remotely close to a price I'm willing to pay ($199 refurb? No, thank you!). eBay has some options, but then I look at seller feedback and the fact that it's not exactly a site with a manufacturer's guarantee, etc... and I get a little antsy when the second Benjamin comes into play.
But typing in "netbook" also gives me the Windows CE and Android "mini" netbooks - they're damn tiny, on several levels, but I can check websites and emails and hey, keyboard, because I've been known to type 70+ wpm and a touch screen would have me screaming in rage after one sentence.
So. I have a few tabs open, but the winner right now, for price and functionality, is the Android 10.1" Augen Genbook, and the price is right, at $120 or so after shipping. Factory refurbs, but I'm not asking for it to do a whole lot, really. Check email, open Google Docs now and then, hopefully load up WeightWatchers (and hey, there might be an app for that).
The dinky 7" one is damn tempting, though - $90 or so with shipping. TINY keyboard, and I have giant hands, though. But it's pocket-sized! I could fit it in my purse!
So.
Anyone hear anything about the Android netbooks? (Or the 7" ones, good or bad? I'm not looking for a robust system, here.) I'm planning on clicking Buy-it-now late tonight unless someone informs me that oh, they're all crap and have a reputation of crashing, etc etc. In which case, I just may suck it up and buy a refurb'd Acer or something. But... that's a lot more money. :/
EDIT: Clicked Buy-It-Now. We'll see what happens. :)
I hate how much technology COSTS.
But I need something more than my basic flip-fone-no-texting option before the end of September. Which means... *drumroll*
Travel-sized computer.
I've been shopping netbooks for a week now and nothing is remotely close to a price I'm willing to pay ($199 refurb? No, thank you!). eBay has some options, but then I look at seller feedback and the fact that it's not exactly a site with a manufacturer's guarantee, etc... and I get a little antsy when the second Benjamin comes into play.
But typing in "netbook" also gives me the Windows CE and Android "mini" netbooks - they're damn tiny, on several levels, but I can check websites and emails and hey, keyboard, because I've been known to type 70+ wpm and a touch screen would have me screaming in rage after one sentence.
So. I have a few tabs open, but the winner right now, for price and functionality, is the Android 10.1" Augen Genbook, and the price is right, at $120 or so after shipping. Factory refurbs, but I'm not asking for it to do a whole lot, really. Check email, open Google Docs now and then, hopefully load up WeightWatchers (and hey, there might be an app for that).
The dinky 7" one is damn tempting, though - $90 or so with shipping. TINY keyboard, and I have giant hands, though. But it's pocket-sized! I could fit it in my purse!
So.
Anyone hear anything about the Android netbooks? (Or the 7" ones, good or bad? I'm not looking for a robust system, here.) I'm planning on clicking Buy-it-now late tonight unless someone informs me that oh, they're all crap and have a reputation of crashing, etc etc. In which case, I just may suck it up and buy a refurb'd Acer or something. But... that's a lot more money. :/
EDIT: Clicked Buy-It-Now. We'll see what happens. :)
Pity party for one, please.
Aug. 8th, 2011 08:50 pmIn the interest of not drinking my dinner, I over-compensated on the chocolate sorbet and now have the most ungodly upset stomach. And mom expects me to help her wrestle dogs for their semi-annual toenail clipping tonight, too. This should be Firefly-interesting.
Work sucked today - not for any particular reason, since I actually got a decent amount done, but the realization that hey, I'm still stuck in a position and unit that I hate. And oh yeah, the budget was BAD this year, which means that there are a lot of cuts, and if those aren't enough, staff cuts are next. Joy.
So not only am I unhappy in my current position, management knows this (because I had asked to transfer months and months ago, because I was and still am very unhappy), and my name is now most likely near the top of the list to be cut first, since I'm clearly ready to check out.
... Great.
I really, really want to just call in sick until I run out of PTO and then put in my notice, but having no plan greater than that, it would be a Very Bad Idea. I have no marketable skills other than some modest insurance experience (in non-traditional insurance, no less, so I can't just hit up the local Farmers or Allstate for a job application) and an outdated, largely useless bachelor's degree.
So I guess the plan is to stick it out as long as I can stand it.
Work sucked today - not for any particular reason, since I actually got a decent amount done, but the realization that hey, I'm still stuck in a position and unit that I hate. And oh yeah, the budget was BAD this year, which means that there are a lot of cuts, and if those aren't enough, staff cuts are next. Joy.
So not only am I unhappy in my current position, management knows this (because I had asked to transfer months and months ago, because I was and still am very unhappy), and my name is now most likely near the top of the list to be cut first, since I'm clearly ready to check out.
... Great.
I really, really want to just call in sick until I run out of PTO and then put in my notice, but having no plan greater than that, it would be a Very Bad Idea. I have no marketable skills other than some modest insurance experience (in non-traditional insurance, no less, so I can't just hit up the local Farmers or Allstate for a job application) and an outdated, largely useless bachelor's degree.
So I guess the plan is to stick it out as long as I can stand it.
Short Straw
Aug. 5th, 2011 06:55 pmDrew the short straw at work today - bad budget plus poor business practices means there's a hiring freeze and a freeze on moving people around.
So I'm still stuck in the unit I hate, the one that makes me go home and wonder if unemployment wouldn't really be that awful. (Yes, I know, I have a job, I should be grateful, but it gets damn hard to hear about really questionable business practices and the Bad Choices made by managers on a regular basis.)
So I get to 'stick it out' for another 6 months, at a minimum.
I held it together pretty well IMHO until I got to my cube, and then I had a good, quiet cry when no one was looking.
So I'm still stuck in the unit I hate, the one that makes me go home and wonder if unemployment wouldn't really be that awful. (Yes, I know, I have a job, I should be grateful, but it gets damn hard to hear about really questionable business practices and the Bad Choices made by managers on a regular basis.)
So I get to 'stick it out' for another 6 months, at a minimum.
I held it together pretty well IMHO until I got to my cube, and then I had a good, quiet cry when no one was looking.
Note to self
Jul. 29th, 2011 09:02 pmEstancia Vineyards Pinot Noir (2009) is pretty darn tasty. Smoother than Menage a Trois, which has a stronger tannin flavor to it.
Hooray for the week being over. Time to relax with laundry and ficbits. ^_^
Hooray for the week being over. Time to relax with laundry and ficbits. ^_^
Today was a long class on intermediate-level* Excel taught by a teacher who did nothing more than read the illustrated, step-by-step instructions aloud, culminating in me checking my email to find out that our newest team "lead" volunteered me for shit while I was out (as if I don't have enough already). I have thus finished the day off with my diet completely blown, crying and downing half a box of Tagalongs from the freezer in less than 10 minutes, because the thought of going to work tomorrow is literally more than I can reasonably bear right now. So now I'm a sniveling, nauseated wreck. Way to hold it together there, KB. Bra-vo.
The best part? Tomorrow is going to suck balls, too, because I have a one on one with the same team "lead" who wants us to be a cohesive group or something, which we were until she came in and started her trend of making sniping remarks then immediately demanding assistance with some inane bullshit or other, presumably to feel important. I just know that meeting is not going to go well. And then Friday, while it's supposed to be fun, it's the company summer event and it means spending another fistful of hours in the company of some of the same people that are driving me bonkers already. And I refuse to withdraw the ridiculous amounts of money necessary from the ATM to survive that event at the cash bar.
This weekend, I need to I calm the fuck down long enough to polish off my Monster and Careerbuilder resumes, then make the pretty-on-paper version of the same. (If I am not calm, the anger and sarcasm will creep in.) And then start writing out answers to the usual job interview questions. I will likely be at the store for a new suit soon. What's frustrating is that right now, the only thought I can manage when it comes down to the "Why are you leaving?" question I'll be asked is "I want out." That's the refrain in the back of my head every damn day at work, too. Out. I need out. Have to get out. Over and over again. I feel like I'm going completely mental.
*Clearly, my own opinion on my level of computer literacy is much lower than the rest of the world; I thought formatting cells was rather basic.
The best part? Tomorrow is going to suck balls, too, because I have a one on one with the same team "lead" who wants us to be a cohesive group or something, which we were until she came in and started her trend of making sniping remarks then immediately demanding assistance with some inane bullshit or other, presumably to feel important. I just know that meeting is not going to go well. And then Friday, while it's supposed to be fun, it's the company summer event and it means spending another fistful of hours in the company of some of the same people that are driving me bonkers already. And I refuse to withdraw the ridiculous amounts of money necessary from the ATM to survive that event at the cash bar.
This weekend, I need to I calm the fuck down long enough to polish off my Monster and Careerbuilder resumes, then make the pretty-on-paper version of the same. (If I am not calm, the anger and sarcasm will creep in.) And then start writing out answers to the usual job interview questions. I will likely be at the store for a new suit soon. What's frustrating is that right now, the only thought I can manage when it comes down to the "Why are you leaving?" question I'll be asked is "I want out." That's the refrain in the back of my head every damn day at work, too. Out. I need out. Have to get out. Over and over again. I feel like I'm going completely mental.
*Clearly, my own opinion on my level of computer literacy is much lower than the rest of the world; I thought formatting cells was rather basic.
WHAARGLBlargle!
Yes to Carrots line is good - mostly. The Tomatoes and Cucumbers lines are great for my skin. The YtCarrots, daily moisturizer with SPF? Not so much. I am a GREASEBALL by mid-morning. Back to the questionable Garnier SPF10 "grape water" stuff. Short of slapping on a few layers of zinc oxide like a surfer, anyone have any suggestions for facial sunscreen that aren't of the avobenzone/oxybenzone/wtfeveritis chemical variety? I need a sunscreen of some sort, but the 'standard' formulation makes me break out like I'm hitting puberty with a vengeance. My chin is a few layers of red spots deep right now, some blistered and peeling, some just sore and swollen. Ugh. It hurts to move my jaw. :(
Add to the disappointment - I've lost all of ONE pound this month. It's work stress*, more than anything, but still. :( :( :(
* Yes, I'm getting paid accurately enough now, but that doesn't mean I necessarily enjoy being treated like a shameless beggar while being expected to fruitlessly dig holes in the sand. Also, not knowing what I'm doing? Is making things especially frustrating and difficult. (Damnit, J, why did you have to quit? You knew what the hell was going on! Wah.)
Yes to Carrots line is good - mostly. The Tomatoes and Cucumbers lines are great for my skin. The YtCarrots, daily moisturizer with SPF? Not so much. I am a GREASEBALL by mid-morning. Back to the questionable Garnier SPF10 "grape water" stuff. Short of slapping on a few layers of zinc oxide like a surfer, anyone have any suggestions for facial sunscreen that aren't of the avobenzone/oxybenzone/wtfeveritis chemical variety? I need a sunscreen of some sort, but the 'standard' formulation makes me break out like I'm hitting puberty with a vengeance. My chin is a few layers of red spots deep right now, some blistered and peeling, some just sore and swollen. Ugh. It hurts to move my jaw. :(
Add to the disappointment - I've lost all of ONE pound this month. It's work stress*, more than anything, but still. :( :( :(
* Yes, I'm getting paid accurately enough now, but that doesn't mean I necessarily enjoy being treated like a shameless beggar while being expected to fruitlessly dig holes in the sand. Also, not knowing what I'm doing? Is making things especially frustrating and difficult. (Damnit, J, why did you have to quit? You knew what the hell was going on! Wah.)
Victoleee!
Apr. 26th, 2011 06:59 pmSo.
Was supposed to meet with !Manager regarding my effed-up paycheck - yesterday. (Paid wrong by payroll as well as being short. Grumpy Kitty is grumpy.)
!Manager never responded.
So today, after lunch, I just played dumb and ditzy and emailed the general HR mailbox asking if someone could pwetty pweeze exwpain to widdle ol' me the rules about OT and PTO and Makeup Time? (*cue batted lashes and innocent look*) Since I'm so easily confused and all that. [No way in hell am I letting this drop so it won't get corrected in time, damnit.]
Got a call from HR, explained that my manager said I Was Not Allowed to use PTO and OT together*, but was there a difference between scheduled PTO (planned, etc) and calling-in-sick PTO, because I can understand not wanting folks to work at time-and-a-half when they plan to be out, but it seems kinda harsh if you call in sick? No, not really a difference - PTO is PTO, no matter how you use it. HR!Lady was very nice and promised to research my question and get back to me.
I also spent an hour+ researching the CA Labor board site and annotating printouts. FYI: Makeup time is NOT mandatory, nor can an employer encourage it.** IF makeup time is used, by written agreement in advance, it is paid at the regular, non-OT rate. Also, CA is a daily-OT state, not weekly. More than 8 hours = OT. Not more than 40. I accrue a LOT of daily OT on my timecards.
Cue 5:10pm today. I'm CC'd (along with Head!of!Company...) on an email to Payroll stating that my original timecard stands - 8 hours OT, 12.5 hours PTO. No makeup time. Please correct ASAP. I can only guess the Company!Head was CC'd because there is going to be a lot of paycheck corrections going back a month or two now that the Rules Have Been Made Clear. (Because if the Company is caught by the Labor Board because someone complains, the fine is something like $1000 and a registered misdemeanor - per occurrence. There are 120 people in my office alone and we're a national company.)
Company: 0
Kitty: 1
I love winning through non-confrontation. (Passive agressive? Yes I Am!) We'll see what happens next payday. Though I did review ALL of my timecards starting in January - other than one business trip, I average about 78 hours a week. Renewal in the last pay period gave me about 82. So it's not like this last paycheck was much of an outlier as far as my payroll history is concerned. I never call in sick, and we had Termite Terry here to deal with bugs. So yes, the PTO number is unusual. The OT isn't.
* I saved the email: "You have OT and PTO in the same week; that is not allowed." [/endquote]
** I would like to also note that our company-issued makeup time forms even state explicitly the above Labor Board Paragraph, Section 513 AND also mention that if an employee works an Alternate Work Week schedule (as I do), makeup time is not even allowed. At all. [They don't specify if this is Labor Board AWW - 40 hours per week across shorter days - or !Company AWW - every other Friday is shorter if we work an 8 hour day instead of 7.5.]
(In non-payroll news, policy-level accounting is a NIGHTMARE and it's all on my desk and I really just want to throw my hands up and cry because our accounting system runs in DOS for all we're in Office 2007 now. Jeebuscriminy. On the bright side, a coworker wrote me a nice long email thanking me for working so hard and doing my damnedest to figure things out since the team lead [and expert] quit with very little notice three weeks ago.)
Was supposed to meet with !Manager regarding my effed-up paycheck - yesterday. (Paid wrong by payroll as well as being short. Grumpy Kitty is grumpy.)
!Manager never responded.
So today, after lunch, I just played dumb and ditzy and emailed the general HR mailbox asking if someone could pwetty pweeze exwpain to widdle ol' me the rules about OT and PTO and Makeup Time? (*cue batted lashes and innocent look*) Since I'm so easily confused and all that. [No way in hell am I letting this drop so it won't get corrected in time, damnit.]
Got a call from HR, explained that my manager said I Was Not Allowed to use PTO and OT together*, but was there a difference between scheduled PTO (planned, etc) and calling-in-sick PTO, because I can understand not wanting folks to work at time-and-a-half when they plan to be out, but it seems kinda harsh if you call in sick? No, not really a difference - PTO is PTO, no matter how you use it. HR!Lady was very nice and promised to research my question and get back to me.
I also spent an hour+ researching the CA Labor board site and annotating printouts. FYI: Makeup time is NOT mandatory, nor can an employer encourage it.** IF makeup time is used, by written agreement in advance, it is paid at the regular, non-OT rate. Also, CA is a daily-OT state, not weekly. More than 8 hours = OT. Not more than 40. I accrue a LOT of daily OT on my timecards.
Cue 5:10pm today. I'm CC'd (along with Head!of!Company...) on an email to Payroll stating that my original timecard stands - 8 hours OT, 12.5 hours PTO. No makeup time. Please correct ASAP. I can only guess the Company!Head was CC'd because there is going to be a lot of paycheck corrections going back a month or two now that the Rules Have Been Made Clear. (Because if the Company is caught by the Labor Board because someone complains, the fine is something like $1000 and a registered misdemeanor - per occurrence. There are 120 people in my office alone and we're a national company.)
Company: 0
Kitty: 1
I love winning through non-confrontation. (Passive agressive? Yes I Am!) We'll see what happens next payday. Though I did review ALL of my timecards starting in January - other than one business trip, I average about 78 hours a week. Renewal in the last pay period gave me about 82. So it's not like this last paycheck was much of an outlier as far as my payroll history is concerned. I never call in sick, and we had Termite Terry here to deal with bugs. So yes, the PTO number is unusual. The OT isn't.
* I saved the email: "You have OT and PTO in the same week; that is not allowed." [/endquote]
** I would like to also note that our company-issued makeup time forms even state explicitly the above Labor Board Paragraph, Section 513 AND also mention that if an employee works an Alternate Work Week schedule (as I do), makeup time is not even allowed. At all. [They don't specify if this is Labor Board AWW - 40 hours per week across shorter days - or !Company AWW - every other Friday is shorter if we work an 8 hour day instead of 7.5.]
(In non-payroll news, policy-level accounting is a NIGHTMARE and it's all on my desk and I really just want to throw my hands up and cry because our accounting system runs in DOS for all we're in Office 2007 now. Jeebuscriminy. On the bright side, a coworker wrote me a nice long email thanking me for working so hard and doing my damnedest to figure things out since the team lead [and expert] quit with very little notice three weeks ago.)
Found out after turning in my time card that oh, no, those 8 hours of overtime worked were NOT ALLOWED YOU HEATHEN BITCH because I'd used PTO hours in the same week. (Hi, working 12-hour days to keep up made me sick, so effin' SORRY to have used some PTO...) FFfffffff...
Assuming my belatedly corrected timecard ever made it to accounting ** (thanks, management! I trust you even less than ever!), it'll be a flat, no OT no nothing paycheck, rather than something with the play money I had expected to receive*. Which means my credit card being paid down to almost nothing will be a much slower process than anticipated. Ugh.
Also, the psycho broker that drove my (sane, organized, knows-what-the-hell-is-going-on) coworker to up and quit without much warning (in the middle of the renewal season) is being exceptionally nice and friendly today. It's rather like Jayne Cobb giving away apples - turns your blood to ice just to think on it. (Lesson of the day: use a knife, not your teeth?)
Had it been just this one thing, I wouldn't be nearly as pissed, but Managers(tm) already sat us down and scolded us like errant children on Friday morning. (You're all horrible, terrible people because ONE of you is screwing up, so you're ALL in trouble! We're in charge, neener neener boo-boo!) My patience is worn to onion-skin thinness right now.
* Yes, I am lucky to have a job that pays moderately well. I understand this. I also work in a place that makes for the Batshit!Crazy, so I am venting here that I cannot even depend on doing basic math to find out what my paycheck will be based on hours worked, nevermind it's a company that will never reward loyalty or quality work. It's goddamned irritating. I will be even more goddamned irritated if I am NOT paid on Friday because of this big kerfuffle that will inevitably be My Fault. Again, I get that there are Rules, but seriously? I worked my ass off the last two weeks. How about a goddamned cookie for getting shit done?
** 4/25 ETA: It did not, and now my timecard and pay are doubly-fucked-up. Deducted PTO, no OT, next paycheck is going to be "adjusted" by -$250. WTF??????????? I was supposed to have a meeting on this today, too, but was brushed off. FFFFFF.
Assuming my belatedly corrected timecard ever made it to accounting ** (thanks, management! I trust you even less than ever!), it'll be a flat, no OT no nothing paycheck, rather than something with the play money I had expected to receive*. Which means my credit card being paid down to almost nothing will be a much slower process than anticipated. Ugh.
Also, the psycho broker that drove my (sane, organized, knows-what-the-hell-is-going-on) coworker to up and quit without much warning (in the middle of the renewal season) is being exceptionally nice and friendly today. It's rather like Jayne Cobb giving away apples - turns your blood to ice just to think on it. (Lesson of the day: use a knife, not your teeth?)
Had it been just this one thing, I wouldn't be nearly as pissed, but Managers(tm) already sat us down and scolded us like errant children on Friday morning. (You're all horrible, terrible people because ONE of you is screwing up, so you're ALL in trouble! We're in charge, neener neener boo-boo!) My patience is worn to onion-skin thinness right now.
* Yes, I am lucky to have a job that pays moderately well. I understand this. I also work in a place that makes for the Batshit!Crazy, so I am venting here that I cannot even depend on doing basic math to find out what my paycheck will be based on hours worked, nevermind it's a company that will never reward loyalty or quality work. It's goddamned irritating. I will be even more goddamned irritated if I am NOT paid on Friday because of this big kerfuffle that will inevitably be My Fault. Again, I get that there are Rules, but seriously? I worked my ass off the last two weeks. How about a goddamned cookie for getting shit done?
** 4/25 ETA: It did not, and now my timecard and pay are doubly-fucked-up. Deducted PTO, no OT, next paycheck is going to be "adjusted" by -$250. WTF??????????? I was supposed to have a meeting on this today, too, but was brushed off. FFFFFF.
