Pissed.

I've been in a weird mood lately. It's like I'm not really grumpy, but I'm not really happy, either. I don't know if it's the lull before the storm at work (until we get final numbers, etc, my portion of the renewal projects are in a holding pattern, so my days are noticeably SLOW and it's unnerving and strange when everyone around me is rushing and busy and stressed. I just feel bizarrely out of place.) or something more.

I do know that cereta's post on men and rape crystallized the thoughts behind why I'm so pissed at Sensei and some of the other students for something they said -- that if the Nice Guy stalker at work had been *attractive*, I wouldn't have minded the attention, and they just could NOT grasp the fact that his physical appearance didn't have a damn thing to do with it. That "if he looked like Brad Pitt, [I] would have been totally fine with it."

Sensei is a county judge.

I honestly think she has NEVER presided over a rape case, because I don't think she understands the depth of absolute horror such a blanket statement can inspire.

I don't care WHAT he looks like - he has been told 'no', I have set boundaries that he cannot respect, and suddenly I have other women telling me that my 'no,' that my refusal to consent to his come-ons and approaches and boundary-crashing behaviors, is somehow worth LESS than what qualifies as Tall, Dark, Handsome and male? I don't think so. That my instincts that keep me safe are worthless, because someone might be handsome? No fucking way! That because they are physically unattractive by current standards, it's all right to say no, and only because of that? Nuh-uh. NOT OKAY. (It may be pat and cliche to bring up serial killers, but the most notorious ones were charming and charismatic, and presumably handsome because of it. That doesn't change the fact they killed people, mmk?) Just because they're pretty doesn't mean they're not dangerous.

That my refusal to consent to his harassment has to be QUALIFIED AT ALL -- THAT is what pisses me off, even more so than the harassment itself. That if he were to do something, I as a victim would be blamed somehow, that any misery I would come to would be made light of, or brushed off, or that I would be questioned as to why I didn't do more, because he's obviously such a Nice Guy that's just misunderstood... People still think this way, and it really, really sickens me.


And I'm not going to hide this post behind a security setting, because goddamnit, it needs to be said.