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I'm pissed. I'm in a pissy mood, and this weekend was NOT relaxing. Rrrgh.
Mom has yet again decided that I am Household Enemy #1 (and being the only other person in the house, this is a crappy spot to land in) - nothing I do pleases her, I'm nothing but a failure, yadda yadda yadda. Damn annoying, it is. [And of course, the more I try to be out of the way, I'm then useless because I'm never around. Go fig.]
Stubborn people - A certain person is driving me up and down the walls by being so damn stubborn, and I'm finding that not only is it aggravating and personally hurtful, but now I look bad to some other folks because of it. So. Grr on that account. (Purposefully vague? You bet; they're on LJ too.)
Money - money is tight, and I did stupid shit, and I'm trying to save, and of course, Mom's expecting me to put away $500/month, but that means that I can't pay off any of my VISA bill. So. I think I'm going to be stuck doing less saving and more payoff for now, and throw the next bonus into savings straightaway to make up for the lack. [It would help if I had a second job or income or something. If I didn't hate my body right now (see below) I'd do some weekend stripping.]
Fat. Fatfatfatfatfat! I haven't been this tubby since high school. It's bad; even my new, larger clothes are getting snug on me, and I'm about ready to cry, because I sure don't have the will power to diet effectively. Or the money for lipo. It's all one nasty circle-jerk lately. I'm fat and tall, too. Trying on kimono was rather painful this weekend. (If I were just ludicrously oversized for Japan, I could handle that; 170cm tall and 74cm sleeve length, sure, but I need something that fits 50" hips + room for Tea movements and well, the kimono fabric doesn't come on bolts that wide. So fuckityfuckfuck to that, too.)
Writer's block, depression, sleep - a nasty combo that has eaten up my weekends lately; I can't think of what to write, and I fall asleep while trying, and I'm too much of a grey slug to get up and do something else, so I just go back to sleep. Circle-jerk joy again.
Work - With L. hurt, I feel like I have to do twice as much, and the frat boys trying to pass as company officers aren't helping any. [ETA: I don't resent L. for being hurt; hell, I'd take the pain on myself if I could, but she has trouble even moving, so I feel obligated to help in any way I can.]
Mom has yet again decided that I am Household Enemy #1 (and being the only other person in the house, this is a crappy spot to land in) - nothing I do pleases her, I'm nothing but a failure, yadda yadda yadda. Damn annoying, it is. [And of course, the more I try to be out of the way, I'm then useless because I'm never around. Go fig.]
Stubborn people - A certain person is driving me up and down the walls by being so damn stubborn, and I'm finding that not only is it aggravating and personally hurtful, but now I look bad to some other folks because of it. So. Grr on that account. (Purposefully vague? You bet; they're on LJ too.)
Money - money is tight, and I did stupid shit, and I'm trying to save, and of course, Mom's expecting me to put away $500/month, but that means that I can't pay off any of my VISA bill. So. I think I'm going to be stuck doing less saving and more payoff for now, and throw the next bonus into savings straightaway to make up for the lack. [It would help if I had a second job or income or something. If I didn't hate my body right now (see below) I'd do some weekend stripping.]
Fat. Fatfatfatfatfat! I haven't been this tubby since high school. It's bad; even my new, larger clothes are getting snug on me, and I'm about ready to cry, because I sure don't have the will power to diet effectively. Or the money for lipo. It's all one nasty circle-jerk lately. I'm fat and tall, too. Trying on kimono was rather painful this weekend. (If I were just ludicrously oversized for Japan, I could handle that; 170cm tall and 74cm sleeve length, sure, but I need something that fits 50" hips + room for Tea movements and well, the kimono fabric doesn't come on bolts that wide. So fuckityfuckfuck to that, too.)
Writer's block, depression, sleep - a nasty combo that has eaten up my weekends lately; I can't think of what to write, and I fall asleep while trying, and I'm too much of a grey slug to get up and do something else, so I just go back to sleep. Circle-jerk joy again.
Work - With L. hurt, I feel like I have to do twice as much, and the frat boys trying to pass as company officers aren't helping any. [ETA: I don't resent L. for being hurt; hell, I'd take the pain on myself if I could, but she has trouble even moving, so I feel obligated to help in any way I can.]
