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Aug. 22nd, 2006 09:41 amhttp://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?affid=-1&productID=183
Hm...
Is it bad that I really, REALLY want that? c.c'' [I'm a size L, btw. *koff*]
=-=-=-=-=-=
In other news, with the modem gone 'splody, I pulled out one of my old journals to do some pen-and-paper reflections.
Conclusion? I'm fucked up, man.
Although it was strangely cathartic to tear out two years' worth of crap song lyrics and mushy naive bullshit interspersed with anger. Huh. I should probably keep up the journaling to figure just WHAT it is I'm angry about, whether it's myself, Mom, or something like spending 21 years with a father who couldn't fully function while all the other kids just didn't know how goddamned lucky they were. (Yes, that thought hit me Sunday, when one of the other girls who is 2 years younger brought her Dad along to lessons, and they were joking and teasing each other and it was REALLY hard not to cry. Still is. Anyway.)
And I didn't sleep for shit, after letting those thoughts bounce around in my head. Tonight I go home, pin more blankets over the windows, take a sleeping pill, and go straight to bed. I'm too damn tired. [And yet, the quad macchiato has me humming at a near-ultrasonic level. Fwee.]
=-=-=-=-=-=
I figure at some point I'll get over all this 'wtf mate?' stuff in my head, and spare y'all the gory details. For now, it's just cathartic to get it out, even if no one else is reading. (This isn't a shameless plug for comment-attention, entirely. I really am just letting off pressure.)
Hm...
Is it bad that I really, REALLY want that? c.c'' [I'm a size L, btw. *koff*]
=-=-=-=-=-=
In other news, with the modem gone 'splody, I pulled out one of my old journals to do some pen-and-paper reflections.
Conclusion? I'm fucked up, man.
Although it was strangely cathartic to tear out two years' worth of crap song lyrics and mushy naive bullshit interspersed with anger. Huh. I should probably keep up the journaling to figure just WHAT it is I'm angry about, whether it's myself, Mom, or something like spending 21 years with a father who couldn't fully function while all the other kids just didn't know how goddamned lucky they were. (Yes, that thought hit me Sunday, when one of the other girls who is 2 years younger brought her Dad along to lessons, and they were joking and teasing each other and it was REALLY hard not to cry. Still is. Anyway.)
And I didn't sleep for shit, after letting those thoughts bounce around in my head. Tonight I go home, pin more blankets over the windows, take a sleeping pill, and go straight to bed. I'm too damn tired. [And yet, the quad macchiato has me humming at a near-ultrasonic level. Fwee.]
=-=-=-=-=-=
I figure at some point I'll get over all this 'wtf mate?' stuff in my head, and spare y'all the gory details. For now, it's just cathartic to get it out, even if no one else is reading. (This isn't a shameless plug for comment-attention, entirely. I really am just letting off pressure.)
