和 敬 西 洋

Been feeling very un-sexy and un-desirable lately (to all the wrong people, including myself), which is probably why I've spent so damn much on makeup in the last two weeks than I had cumulatively in the last four years. Oy. (On the bright side, it's makeup that looks good on, is easy to apply, and is low-maintenance, and I've found at least a little boost to my self-esteem in taking the time to look good/better than nothing.) I've also had some success with the Neutrogena under-eye stuff I bought today, which is surprising after trying SO MANY under-eye treatments for dark circles that have failed (yes, I'm drinking water; yes, I'm sleeping enough; yes, I'm taking my vitamins - the double-black-eye look is genetic in my case). They don't look NEARLY as bad - the rejected linebacker effect seems to be reduced quite pleasantly.

On the TMI front, I got tired of feeling not only un-sexy in face, but thoroughly in the 'ass-ugly' category of appearance elsewhere, and am now quite thoroughly depilated from the waist down. At least for the next 12 hours. Then it will start growing back, because waxing is too expensive and those removal creams do nothing more than make my hair curl into mini spiral ringlets after 10+ minutes of waiting (and those are the 3-minute formulas, mind). Well, it will be nice for the few hours it lasts. (TMI-FYI - sitting in a tub full of an epsom salt and baking soda solution does wonders for NOT getting ugly bumps everywhere, and takes some of the red out of the lingering bumps from the last time I tried shaving a few months back. Razor burn effin' SUCKS.)

I'm understanding more and more why women go to such ridiculous lengths in plastic surgery - tucks, lifts, etc. I very much want the discretionary dinero to get a boob job and the sides of my thighs taken in. Not to mention a great deal of permanent hair removal.

Ugh. I've gone from 180 to 167 over the course of the last two months, my measurements are once more on the back of most commercial pattern packets, and I STILL feel like an unremarkably drab blob of nothing. I hate it.

And no, I won't go back on any medications, because I'm feeling creatively inspired, and enjoy books, and actually cry at movies, and it is INCREDIBLE how much one can miss that when one is stoned neutral about the world.

In less drab news, I only have a half-grand to go on digging out of the hole. This has been, what, three years now? I can see the end of the tunnel as something with distinct edges and brickwork, and not just a dim light in the distance. I can't fucking WAIT. [Double-plus-good being that because of the economy of the insurance world this year, there may well not be any particular financial bonuses until a few quarters have passed.]

I bought patterns and far too much awesome cotton fabric with cats and Japanese prints on them, and fully intend to have a grand time making pajama pants for school assignments and frilly aprons for fun for myself. (And I'm tempted to make a full-front apron a la the kitchen but adapt the top for Tea. We shall see how this goes.) Soon, I will know how to follow a commercial pattern... and then I can start on the many kimono patterns I've amassed. ONE of them has to work, dammit. I'm tired of envying the petite women of the world for their kitsuke that doesn't have to be specially ordered in plain colors from Japan (and that STILL hasn't arrived, for all it was ordered in December... Grr!).

I need to iron my now-washed fabric and pin the pattern pieces before Monday. I was going to do it today, but ran out of steam at about 4. (I blame the sinus headache du jour, for which I have bought several types of decongestant/antihistamines to try until I find one that works. One of these days, I'll find out what surgery cures the near-constant sinus pressure, and have that done, too. At least insurance would cover that, I would think; quality-of-life procedures are usually covered to some extent.)

I need to start studying again - the INS exam may not be until May, but it's a lot of unfamiliar territory, and I'm used to having lesson plans administered by someone other than myself. Hopefully, the exam won't be TOO difficult. Hopefully.